As the leaves start to sprout on the trees and the flowers begin to poke their heads up through the dirt, I’m reminded, once again, of how spring is the ultimate symbolic season of change and growth and blooming once again. After months of drab, colorless treetops, things are blooming as they always do, and it’s showing me that we, too, can bloom again, even when things have been dormant for some time. One of the best ways to channel the springtime vibe of transformation is to investigate what we’ve been settling for.
When we can identify the areas in which we’re not getting what we truly want in life, we’re able to consider how we might reshape those aspects of our lives. Of course, such transformation won’t happen overnight, but recognizing the places in which we might be settling is the first step towards change. Here are six areas in which settling should be avoided. But don’t beat yourself up if you’ve been settling in these areas. Just consider how you might want to change them going forward. Like the seeds tucked underground all winter long, you, too, can recognize that there’s more to life than dirt and darkness. You, too, can push out of your confines and stretch toward the sunlight you deserve.
LUKEWARM LOVE AFFAIRS
Real love (not that easy falling-in-love stuff) is tough. There are highs and lows, good times and bad. But if you’re not in it together — usually on the same team, mostly putting in the same amount of effort, having similar feelings for one another — it might not be a full-hearted kind of love. If you only see someone when it’s convenient for them, if you put in all of the effort and get little in return, if you worry constantly if the other person feels the same, it’s time to stop settling and seek out the kind of love you (we all!) deserve.
Work — even the very best kind — is no piece of cake. It’s tough, even when you love your job. But if it feels like it’s sucking the life out of you, if it feels like it takes everything you’ve got and gives nothing back, it’s time for a change. You might not be able to drastically change your work situation, but you can seek out a similar job in a new place, find a way to transform the work you’re doing, or even take a pay cut to work in a more fulfilling environment. Most of us spend a huge chunk of our lives at work so it’s definitely not an area of life where settling should be acceptable.
Every relationship — even the best of friendships — has its ups and downs, but if you’re putting in all the work, it’s time to consider if it’s worth it. Consider whether your friend is asking about your wellbeing, interested in your life, or doing kind things to show their appreciation for you. (And, on the flip side, consider if you’re doing these things as a friend!) Relationships of all kinds should include give and take and if you’re the only one giving, you’re settling for less and should seek companionship elsewhere.
Life is short, so why settle for second-rate things? This is particularly true when faced with items that have tons of options (like books!). There is an incredible amount of text to be read in this world, so if the book is bad, put it down. Don’t waste time on second-rate stories when you could pick up a magical, potentially life-changing work. Same goes for food (if it’s bad, send it back), clothing (if it doesn’t work, return it), etc. Yes, it can be easier to stick with what’s already in your hand, but do you really want to look back a mourn all the time you wasted on second-rate nonsense?
Consider, for a moment, what a dream life looks like to you. Is that your idea of an ideal scenario or someone else’s? It is something that gets you up in the morning, pumped to started your day and move toward that dream? If not, you might be suffering from a case of uninspired dreaming. Reflect on what you really want — and make sure that you’re not aiming towards goals that others have set for you or goals that you set for yourself a long time ago that no longer speak to what you want your future to look like. We change, and often our dreams do too.
How are you spending your free time? Are you truly enjoying the activities you’ve deemed as “leisure”? If you are, awesome! Keep at it! But if you’re doing something just because it’s easy, you’ve always done it, or it’s someone else’s idea of a good time, consider exploring new leisure-time activities. In fact, maybe just try doing something different to see if you like it. If you’re always watching TV, try going for a walk. If your weekends are spent on a hiking trail, consider a Netflix binge. Try new things to make sure you’re not settling for how you spend your friend time!
Life is short is such a cliche, but it’s true. Too many of us (myself included!) are settling for things (and people…) because it feels easier than change. You’re not alone if, like me, change intimidates you. But do what you can to find the courage to stop settling for less than you deserve. It’s rarely easy to let go of what’s comforting (even when it’s unhealthy), but the sooner you do it, the sooner you’ll have the freedom to pursue the things in life that add real value, that make you excited and empowered!