Most of us spend a great deal of time online, in our in-boxes, and on apps. While I’m a huge fan of technology and the connectivity that comes with it (after all, I wouldn’t be able to do what I do for a living if it weren’t for the amazing power of blogging and social media!), sometimes it takes away from being positive and present. And, quite frequently, it takes away from the concept of self-love, my primary for focus for 2017 (and probably the rest of my life as well!).
I’ve read countless articles about taking a social media break or limiting it to a certain amount of hours each day, but I believe those ideas are just putting a bandaid on the problem. If you need constant breaks from something or have to limit it because it’s unhealthy for you, it’s important to look at why you need to break/limit yourself. What is it that you feel when you’re online or on apps? Are those feelings positive or negative? Do you want to keep feeling them?
As I move through this year of self-love, I’m striving to get more in touch with how things make me feel. I tend to be very logic-oriented, and sometimes I forget that feelings are just as important as logic (even if they’re not always as easy to identify!). When you have awareness of the feelings that come with certain experiences, people, things, etc., you can then make choices that help you to create a more positive, mindful, and self-loving life. Awareness is the first step toward change.
This year, I’m striving to create more of that kind of awareness in my life (and make changes accordingly), and this week I’m turning my attention to social media, apps, and the places I spend time online. Specifically, I’m turning my attention to getting rid of those that don’t create feelings of love, positivity, and inspiration.
WHAT IS INSPIRED UNFOLLOWING?
What we surround ourselves with — both in real life and online — has a great impact on how we feel and live every single day. It’s all too easy to fall into patterns, to do something you’ve always done simply because you’ve always done it, but I think it’s a big mistake to be passive when it come to online consumption. There are a great many things we cannot control in this life, but one that we can is what we look at on our computers or phones.
To create more self-love and positivity in our lives, we have to consume consciously (I know, that sounds like something Gwyneth Paltrow would say, but hear me out!), especially what we consume visually and electronically. Because I’ve come to realize how important this is, I came up with the idea of Inspired Unfollowing, a week of reflecting on what I’ve been consuming online so I can actively choose whether I want to continue doing so. I hope you’ll join me this week in taking control of what you consume.
As you do this, it’s important to think critically. There are some things that fall obviously in the “unfollow” category — the websites that drive you crazy with too many emails; the acquaintance on Facebook constantly ranting; the brand who posts negative memes on Instagram — but there are many other, less obvious, reasons you might want to unfollow. Here are just a few example of less obvious aspects you might want to look out for:
- Unfollow unrealistic representations of beauty making you feel bad about your body
- Unfollow memes or jokes that might be amusing but focus mostly on putting others down
- Unfollow images of a “perfect” lives that cause you to feel overly envious or jealous
- Unfollow brands promoting items you cannot afford that make you feel unsuccessful
- Unfollow companies that don’t support your personal beliefs (do your research!)
- Unfollow people / brands that no longer interest or inspire you (we change and that’s ok!)
- Unfollow celebrities that don’t inspire, uplift, or empower you in some way
- Unfollow accounts you started following years and years ago but no longer enjoy
It all comes down to how something or someone makes you feel. The more you surround yourself with sites, apps, people, and accounts that uplift and inspire and inform, the more uplifted and inspired and informed you’ll feel. And we only have so many hours in a day to look at social media, and there’s soooo much out there, so it’s up to you to choose consciously what you want to see.
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: Surrounding yourself with positive, inspiring social media does not mean avoiding things that might evoke negative emotions (i.e., upsetting but important news stories) or people whose beliefs differ from yours. One of the worst things any of us could do at a time like this would be to avoid people who are different from us. In fact, I encourage you to find some accounts and websites that don’t hold your views and visit them periodically to open your mind to a new perspective. The world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, nor is it filled with people who believe exactly what you do, and avoiding all negativity is not good practice. There’s a big difference between things that add value — such as news, even if it’s not positive news, or people who share opposing views, but who do so in a kind, thoughtful way — and things that make you feel terrible without providing useful information.
Okay, now that that disclaimer is out of the way, let’s jump into the plan for the week!
THE WEEKLY PLAN
The plan is basically to go through the various accounts, sites, apps, etc. and decide which ones you benefit from and which ones you could do without. As you’re working through each one, ask yourself: Does this account — directly or indirectly — make me feel worthy of love? That might sound a bit cheesy, but, really our lives come down to two very basic feelings: love and hate. Everything you encounter directly or indirectly promotes one of those two states of being. (If something feels neutral to you, dig deeper. One of those feelings is there!)
Monday / Email Subscriptions
First up, our in-boxes! How many emails do you get each day? How many of those are email subscriptions you signed up for but no longer want? (Or were signed up for but never wanted in the first place?) Even if you don’t end up reading these emails, you have to spend time and energy deleting them each day. Set aside time today to go through your email and unsubscribe from those emails you no longer want to receive. If you don’t want to do it manually, there’s an awesome site call Unroll.Me that’ll do it for you!
Tuesday / Facebook
Facebook can be a tricky one because, for a lot of us, we’re follow (aka, “friend”) people we know. We might worry that it would be offensive to unfriend someone on Facebook (even if that person is just an acquaintance). The great thing about Facebook is that you can unfollow someone without unfriending him/her. (Read this article for specifics.) You can (and should!) choose what you see on Facebook without causing offense to friends, family, or acquaintances.
Wednesday / Instagram
Instagram is often more of a mix of family/friends and brands/celebrities. Unlike Facebook, you can’t unfollow someone politely without unfriending him/her, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t curate an Instagram feed that brings more positivity and self-love into your life. While sorting through your “following” list, ask yourself, “Does this person / brand make me feel less worthy, unhappy, or negative when I see their posts?” If the answer is yes, click that “Following” button so you no longer see those posts.
Thursday / Twitter
Twitter is my go-to spot for staying up on the latest news. If you want to know what’s happening right now, Twitter is the place to go. But, over the past few months, I’ve realized that it drains me and drags my emotional state down — and that has a lot to do with the people I follow. I love comedy and follow a lot of comedians, but, unfortunately, a lot of comedy can be negative. This week I’m clearing out the negativity!
Friday / Pinterest
Pinterest is one of my favorite online spots and, for the most part, I love the people I follow and feel inspired and uplifted when I spend time on Pinterest. But, I’ve been on Pinterest for a long time and there are some people I followed years ago that are no longer adding value to my life. They might not be especially negative, but they’re not inspiring either. Because there’s so much wonderful content out there, you’ve got to make room for the great by getting rid of the “eh.”
Weekend / Websites + Apps
What websites or apps do you open on a daily basis? And, more importantly, why do you open them? Sometimes we have great reasons for opening these, but often we do it just because we’ve always done it. It’s habit; not choice. Over time, I’ve cut down on certain websites I visit (especially brands that made me long for items I hadn’t even known existed before I’d opened the sites or YouTubers who made me feel I needed the latest lipstick shade), but I’m now also cutting down on the apps I keep on my phone as well.
Remember: just because you have a Twitter / Facebook / etc. account, doesn’t mean you need instant access to it at all times. Taking an app off your phone can be a great way to be more conscious about your content consumption. It’s often much more difficult to log-in to an account on your phone or to go to your computer than it is to click an app open, making it more likely that you’ll think before doing it, rather than just absentmindedly clicking while bored!
I’ve already started on Inspired Unfollowing, a little bit at a time, but I’m excited to see how I feel at the end of this week! If you’re going to join in on this, but you’re a bit unsure about unfollowing certain accounts, I recommend writing them down somewhere and then unfollowing. If you keep thinking about them or miss them, you can always go back to your list and re-follow. (But, believe me, I bet if there’s any doubt in your mind whether or not you should be following an account, you probably don’t really need it in your life.) As a bonus, you can take note of the accounts you’re consciously choosing to follow and seek out more accounts like those! We have a certain amount of time for social media, and that time should be filled with consciously chosen content!
I love the disclaimer! I am also pretty crazy about limiting social media. For me, it can be about how it makes me feel but it’s mostly about how it changes my behavior. Being distracted and not present is my biggest complaint with it! I delete the apps from my phone and also have social media free weekends! Have you heard of Cal Newport? I love his take on all of these things.
A friend last week “unfriended” me on Facebook without my being aware over a political comment I made; however, this friendship has been on/off over the years offline, so blocked her from my account entirely without being dramatic and totally un-friending because don’t want to be hurt again.
Have been off Facebook a good part of 2016 for security reasons which I will not elaborate on and also because have been very busy campaigning for candidates in 2016. Did not miss Facebook at all.
After the traumatizing elections, I jumped back on Facebook, added a few offline friends, and became a bit addicted (only through laptop, do NOT EVER use social media apps on phone). Realized this addiction was a waste of time and I was not progressing on my goals of learning math, physics and chemistry, a hobby picked up while taking an intro to astro physics course on Coursera.org in 2014.
The website I spend the most time on which will continue to do is the New York Times. Pay for the subscription and love the outstanding journalism. The readers are extremely well-informed and articulate and far more enlightening than the usual FB posts (which yes, can cause jealousy and envy, usually from alpha or self-absorbed personalities who range from smug self-satisfaction to downright narcissism). Mostly what I post are articles from the NYT to be educational to others, but do not believe most are interested. My cat caregiver, non-political, posts mostly lost or orphaned animals, which are nice and neutral.
I’m actually considering disabling my FB account for awhile, which have done in the past. Have never subscribed to Twitter, PinInterest, Instagram, not interested. Again, free online courses given through Coursera.org are outstanding, and your Positively Present website has been life-changing (like my first march in DC in 1988!).
So thank you, Dani. Believe your online unfollowing advice is absolutely necessary for peace and mental health.
Tiffany – The disclaimer is definitely key! 🙂 I agree — too much social media absolutely distracts from being mindful and present, especially when with other people. I haven’t heard of Cal Newport, but will definitely check him out!
Diane – Thank you so much for sharing your experience with FB! You’ve got to do what works best for you when it comes to social media, and it sounds like you’re definitely aware of what’s positive and what’s negative for you, which is the essential first step!!
This is such a great idea! All of my feeds have become cluttered overtime with excess stuff I dont enjoy seeing. I cleaned my apartment for the new year, might as well clean my social media and email too! I love how you laid it out by day – makes it much easier to digest and way less intimidating. Thanks for sharing your tips!!
Ali – Thanks!! I’m so glad you enjoyed this post, and are going to give these tips a try. Thanks for reading!
Comments are closed.